This weekend, six young women will have the opportunity of a lifetime to represent the state of California with National American Miss. I cannot believe that it has already been a year since I passed on my title. When I began competing at NAM, I was 17 and truly had no clue what I was doing. I wore a big red mermaid dress and hot pink suit and by the grace of God I placed in the Top 5. Needless to say, I was hooked. I spent the next year doing everything I could to involve myself in my community, improve my interview and presentation skills, and work hard as I graduated from high school and prepared for college. In July of 2013 my dream came true and I was crowned Miss California Teen. The year that followed was an incredible whirlwind. I met young women from across the country at Nationals and cultivated friendships throughout my year. I went from having zero sisters to having too many to count. But beyond the rhinestones, the heels, and the hair, I learned so much- about myself and about life. Here are the ten biggest lessons that NAM taught me:
1. Kindness Counts
Through NAM I made friendships with women who an outsider would classify as "competitors." But I never saw it that way- because NAM didn't make us feel like we were competing against one another. We dressed up for rehearsals together, took silly pictures, helped one another practice our introductions, and gushed over each other's dresses. At the end of the day it's a competition, but since there's only one crown, the experience is far more fruitful when you can walk away with relationships and memories. The first year, one of my good friends won the title and I was beaming with genuine excitement for her. When I won, I was surrounded by friends who were happy for me, and I was so happy for their success as well. Kindness counts.
2. Be Patient
I spent months searching for the perfect gown. I visited tons of shops, scoured websites for hours, and looked to Pinterest for inspiration. It wasn't until my mom and I went down to Australia that I found my gown. It was waiting for me in a small dress shop in Sydney, marked 50% off- and it fit me perfectly. Sometimes you just have to take a minute and trust that things will come together, whether it's a knockout introduction, the right interview suit, or the perfect gown.
3. Who I Want to Be
During my personal introduction in my first year at NAM, I shared that my dream was to work in advertising and promote positive messages about women. However, over the next year my interests shifted, and I announced on stage that I "might be the next Kennedy in the White House," as a White House Correspondent. Today, I'm still working towards this dream as I study Political Science and Communication at UCSB. Because NAM requires you to share your career aspirations, it forces you to take some time and analyze the direction you want to take in life. I'm surrounded by incredible classmates who are trying to decide what they want to do in life, but every one of my pageant friends has a solid aspiration and I don't think that's a coincidence. We think long and hard about the goals we set and the path to attain them.
4. Goal Setting
My friends know I had a wall in my room last year full of photos and quotes and goals. I love setting goals, because NAM encouraged me to "Dream Big!" And it's not just a cheesy slogan- it's the real deal. Thousands of girls come back to compete year after year at NAM pageants across the country. Why? Because they have goals. It might be to win the title, but maybe they also want to get a personal best score in interview, or win an optional. Setting small attainable goals on the way to bigger dreams is essential not only in pageants, but in life.
5. Try Something New
Year one, I sang "So Much Better" from Legally Blonde and had the time of my life dancing around in a little pink dress. The next year, I came back and played piano and sang. I gave speeches on Relay For Life and Literacy. I left my comfort zone to challenge myself, and I encourage you to as well. Life is about pushing yourself and trying new things. NAM gives you this opportunity in a safe, positive, and supportive environment. Go for it!
6. You Are Loved
The most special moments to me through my years of competition in NAM were the ones where I received support from my friends and family. The text messages, the friends who came to cheer me on, and the notes of support and encouragement mean more to me than any title. Tell your friends about your competition, your dreams and your goals. Thank your parents for sacrificing their time and energy to help you prepare. People want to support you, they want to understand the appeal of pageants, and (thanks to Toddlers and Tiaras) they are simply intrigued. Be the example of pageantry that shows its benefits and genuine opportunities.
7. Ask For Help
This is probably the most important lesson I learned, because it still applies every single day. Most past queens would love to help you, the staff wants to help you, and everyone wants you to succeed. Take advantage of all opportunities to reach out and ask for assistance. I sent out messages to former queens and asked them if they had any advice- many of them happily obliged and one of them is my close friend to this day. Learn from others' mistakes, experiences, and advice. It will make your time at NAM so much richer.
8. Be True to You
People are going to give you advice, and it's your choice to listen to them or not. I loved talking with girls who had already won and running my ideas by them, because they have the experience and insight into what works. While it's important to ask for help, it's also essential that you remain true to who you are. If you want to play piano and sing, do it. If you want to sign your introduction, do it. If you want to wear a big ball gown, do it! After all, it's your competition so do it the way that will make you the most confident and excited to show them what you've got.
9. Don't Sweat The Small Stuff
Okay, I admit this is still a lesson that I need to be reminded of, but the truth is that nothing goes off without a hitch. Life doesn't work that way, and pageants sure as heck don't work that way. The year that I won, I actually skipped over part of my personal introduction onstage, and had to make it up on the spot. I came off stage, walked straight to my mom, and told her I wanted to go home. I was devastated. Two days later, I was on that same stage with the crown on my head. The lesson here: it's not over until it's over. My hours of practicing actually gave me the confidence to move past a speed bump and show the judges that I was ready for the job. When something goes wrong, laugh it off, take it in stride, and remember there are bigger and better things beyond a crown. Which takes me to the next point:
10. The Crown is Not The Ultimate Prize
In the heat of competition and preparation, this is the hardest thing to wrap your head around. However, when you can understand this, you will gain even more from pageants and life. The crown is sparkly, the sash is shiny, and the title feels like the biggest thing in the world. But in reality, there is so much more to life. My year as Miss California Teen rocked because I got to spend time in my community working with organizations I am passionate about. But you know what? They didn't care that I had a crown. They would have been just as excited if I came in as plain Jane, there to help and make a difference. The crown is bestowed by six people who really don't know you. They don't know what gets you out of bed in the morning. They don't know what makes you laugh or what you like to do on lazy Saturday mornings. They don't know how passionate you are about your interests- they only know what you tell them in 30 seconds onstage and 1 minute in an interview. They have literally spoken to you for 90 seconds, and they are the ones who decide who wears the crown. Do not let their decision define you. Do not let a crown define you. You are so much more. You are smart and driven and deserving. Not many people can get onstage and be vulnerable like you do every time you compete. Don't let the outcome discourage your dreams.
There you have it- 10 amazing lessons I learned from NAM. If you're competing this summer, good luck! Go out there and shine. I'm cheering for you all(:
Xo-Jane
For more information about my year as Miss California Teen 2013, please visit http://janekennedymisscateen.blogspot.com.
To learn about NAM, check out www.namiss.com.
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