National Sweetheart

Well, what a month.

Between packing up my life and moving across the country, starting a new job, and traveling to Hoopeston to represent California at the National Sweetheart Competition - holy smokes.

I'm going to write my next blog on how on earth I managed to pack up my life and move across the country in three suitcases (okay, and three small boxes if we're getting technical) but today I want to just focus on the joy and magic that was the National Sweetheart Pageant.

The National Sweetheart Pageant was founded in 1941 as a place for runners-up from state Miss America competitions to receive valuable stage time and feedback from certified judges. The 2019 National Sweetheart class was made up of 30 women from across the country who had competed in their state Miss America competitions (a couple of whom had even won their state in past years!) and wanted the opportunity to grow and learn alongside their peers.

My decision to compete in the National Sweetheart Pageant was simple: how many opportunities do we really have to be surrounded by fabulous, ambitious, service-oriented, and life-giving women? I've been fortunate enough to have that experience a few times - at local competitions, during Miss California, through Delta Gamma, and at Dance Marathon. I knew that being in the same room as these dynamic women would open my eyes and leave me energized and inspired when I boarded my flight back to California. Of course, I was also excited to represent California on a national stage - but it was the chance to be with these women that made the decision for me.

So I applied, squeezed a few gowns and some hair extensions into two suitcases, and headed off to Hoopeston. From the moment I arrived, I felt at home. I'd been lucky enough to have a little insight into the experience, thanks to Allie Curtis and Jenna Harvey Woods, who had both competed at Sweetheart before. The biggest piece of advice they both shared was to be present. For me, that was a welcome relief. I just wanted to have fun - pageants have always been a super fun, creative outlet for me to pursue the best version of myself, but after Miss California, I was feeling a little wiped. Going 100 miles per hour for eight months gave me the inimitable opportunity to learn so much about myself and who I was, but I was tired. So leading up to Sweetheart, I embraced the hard work I had put in and stayed focused on three things: be present, have fun, make friends.

My wonderful host family, the Johnsons, welcomed us in immediately - as did our chaperones Liz and Shannon. Each day, our chaperone would pick us up from our host family and take us around town. Our days were so different from Miss California - we would attend a breakfast sponsored by a local organization, then head to the Civic Center, where we'd change from our cute clothes to rehearsal clothes, we'd rehearse for a few hours, and then go get back into our cute clothes to head somewhere for lunch. Being able to enjoy meals with the Hoopeston community and each other created easy soil for friendships to grow. Seeing our new friends at the competition and at the parade was so sweet. It felt like everyone was cheering us on, and I really enjoyed feeling so tied into the community.

One event that we had heard about endlessly was the parade. Each of us created a costume that represented our state - and I was thrilled to rock a San Francisco theme! I've never been Miss SF, but always wanted to represent the city where I lived for the past two years. Riding in the parade as "Miss California" and having kids cheer and wave to me, calling out "Miss California" brought tears to my eyes a few times. Even though I know that God doesn't have serving as Miss California in my story, being called Miss California was a gift that meant so much to me. On the other hand, I learned a valuable lesson about drinking bottles of water before a parade - don't do it. Y'all, I had to go to the bathroom SO BADLY for the entire parade. I felt perilously close to dying. Seeing these photos now makes me laugh because I remember how much physical pain I was in for the hour we were on the cars and driving through the street. I told myself that if I could make it through the parade without exploding I could do anything. So folks... my future is limitless.

On finals night, I was just praying so hard that God would give me peace. As I've mentioned, at Miss California this year I felt so much peace and made the competition that much more fun - being nervous is not my favorite emotion. But for some reason, I was SO nervous. Standing on stage as they called out the Top 10, I remember praying "Jesus, if it is your will, please let me be called in the first 5." I prayed the words, but I knew that if I was going to make the top 10, I would be near the end, because that is how Jesus loves me (seriously - every time I have made any cut, I have been called number 12 out of 15, number 10 out of 12, or in the case of Miss CA this year - I was called LAST into both the Top Seven and the Top Five. He likes to make me sweat a little.) When I was called seventh, I couldn't believe it. I had felt such nerves because this was the most impressive group of women I had ever competed alongside. All of them were brilliant, engaged, hilarious, personable, fun, joyful, and accomplished. I remember feeling so much pride that I would be representing California in the Top 10.

The competition continued, and every time I stepped onstage I reminded myself "This is fun!!" It's funny how just gently reminding ourselves why we're putting ourselves through the pressure and stress of pageantry that it is fun. And let me tell you, I had so much fun on that stage. When I was called into the Top 5, I was pretty darn excited.

In the Top 5, we each shared a memory or experience we had during the week. I shared how grateful I was to the community of Hoopeston, for welcoming us in and making us feel like we were at Miss America. I can't fathom the amount of work that it takes for this community to put on an event like this every year, and I wanted to take my moment on the microphone to thank them. The competition was over (the final answer didn't count) so I knew that the best way for me to spend these moments was to express gratitude.

And then the final results were being announced... The fourth-, third-, and second-runner-up were called, until it was just me and Molly May, an absolute gem of a human holding hands. Molly looked at me and said "Hey, you've been here before," and I laughed out loud. "Darn, yes I have," I laughed back. It was a complete honor to be holding hands with THE Molly May in those final moments. I think it's pretty clear how surprised I was to be named Miss National Sweetheart when you look at the pictures below.

To represent these women, and this class is an honor I don't take lightly. I am so grateful to the judges for this title, one that I will treasure for the rest of my life. In our private interview, I shared that the woman who would be crowned Miss National Sweetheart would be the embodiment of resilience, a representation of standing up for what is right. Each of us who competed had fallen short of a dream - to be at Miss America - yet, we were there, recognizing that our perceived failure had opened the door to a new opportunity.  Competing at Miss National Sweetheart required courage to stand against the current and serve something greater than ourselves.

Thank you to the National Sweetheart committee for making this possible. I am endlessly grateful - you brought the light and the joy back into something I love, being on stage and sharing encouragement to #cultivateconfidence. You reminded me to stay playful, and creative and focused. You reminded me that the best prizes often come in the shape of friendships, ones I know I'll hold onto for the rest of my life.

If you have the chance to go to National Sweetheart - go. Do it. Be bold, go scared, and be courageous. You are capable of so much more than you know. So get out there and pursue it. I'm rooting for you!