My grandfather was a man who exemplified the truest characteristics of selfless love. His humor, energy, and vitality made him a trusted friend and beloved family member. His degrees from Stanford and Princeton were testament to his work ethic and drive to impact the world in a major way.
The love between my grandfather and my grandmother was unrivaled. Together they adopted two sons. They gave two baby boys the opportunities to achieve any dream, to set their sights on huge goals, and to pursue them fearlessly. They encouraged my father and his brother through the wild years of their lives- we’ve heard stories of the time they decided to rappel down the side of the local elementary school, one among many adventures that landed one or both in the hospital. Still, they nurtured them and raised my father to be the greatest father imaginable. My grandfather’s legacy lives on through my dad- a selfless, energetic, and hard-working man who has given his four children the same chances to make mistakes and build from them.
The descent into disease was slow at first. My grandma asked my grandfather if he had filed the taxes, as he had for the entirety of their lives together. My grandfather was shocked- he claimed that he had never done the taxes. Another time, my grandfather was found wandering the streets of their neighborhood. It was little clues, slow and small at first. When my grandfather became aware of what was happening, he didn’t take time to pity himself. Instead, he did exactly what he had always done. He took care of his family.
In the beginning stages of his disease, my grandfather put every single account on auto-pay. He set up communication with every contract that he had taken care of. He made sure that my grandmother wouldn’t have to worry about anything when he was no longer able to help. He began doing Sudoku puzzles to stay sharp. In the pain of realizing that his intelligence, something that he had in spades, was going to fade, he acted simply out of love for my grandmother. I remember going to visit their home, and my grandfather insisting on making us all dinner, grilling a steak and serving it to us. A servant, because service was something so deeply ingrained that it couldn’t be taken away.
Two years ago, he moved into an assisted living center thirty minutes from his home and my grandma drove every day to visit him. Every single day, she woke up alone in her home and drove thirty minutes (often more) to see the man who she loved and who loved her, even when he didn’t recognize her. As time went on, he stopped speaking. He stopped eating. He stopped recognizing my dad. But every time my grandma walked into the room, his face lit up. He didn’t know her, but in the deepest part of his soul he knew that he loved her. A love that powerful cannot be suppressed by any disease.
Alzheimer’s is awful. Dementia is horrendous. But the legacy of his life is that he lived in love. The love he fostered with his wife could not be destroyed by the claws of any disease. It could take away his words. It could take away his freedom. But it could never take away his love.
It is said that Alzheimer’s has many victims beyond those who lose their lives. It affects families, friends, neighbors, and loved ones. This is true. But it also reminds us that love can overcome. My grandma lived over 40 years with my vivacious and brilliant grandfather. We will remember that man, the one who danced and laughed and put everyone before himself. I pray that anyone who loves someone going through this remembers the "before." We owe it to them to celebrate all that they are, and not just remember the most painful years.
I miss you Grandpa, and I know you’re looking over us in heaven, just like you looked over everyone on earth.
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